Coworkers Surprised John Not Fired After Sending Clearly Troubled 2 A.M. Company-Wide Email
Employees at Yum! Brands expressed complete shock this afternoon when they learned their coworker John hadn’t even been called into HR to discuss the company-wide email he sent earlier that morning saying he was intentionally poisoning the company’s food and expressed no remorse over his actions.
In an email to all Yum! Brands employees sent around 2 a.m., John said not only did he believe poisoning the food supplies of the company’s multiple eateries was not only legally right, but in fact his actions were morally and ethically correct.
“We all signed up to be Yum! Brands employees. We knew the risks and were willing to take them, but we always assumed the company had your back,” John said in his increasingly troubling email. “We wanted To do the right thing in the midst of an evil world to protect those who cannot protect themselves.”
John railed against the so-called “peaceful” Yelp reviewers who left critical reviews of the company’s restaurants saying they experienced severe illness after eating the food and in some cases reviewers said a loved one died after finishing their meal.
He also advised his fellow employees to be cautions of the Yelp reviewers because they were always recording what the employees were doing and if an employee was going to poison a customer’s meal they needed to make sure they did it with dignity and a later concocted justifiable cause.
At press time, John had still not been called into HR nor was firing him even an option being considered, sources told The Boondocks Gazette.
According to coworkers, John could be heard muttering from his cubicle about his part in a cosmic war of good versus evil and that if the company did so much as lift a finger against him he’d file a civil rights lawsuit.