Local Antifa cell disappointed they couldn't dump Castleman statue into Ohio River
Members of the Louisville anti-fascist cell, which is reportedly numbered in the thousands, expressed profound sadness at the lost opportunity to topple the statue of John B. Castleman and dump him into the Ohio River.
“We had an entire plan worked out and everything,” Yvonne Ball, leader of the antifa cell, which is definitely an organized group and not an ideology, told The Boondocks Gazette. “Unfortunately, Greg Fischer in his unparalleled wisdom beat us to the punch.”
Castleman enlisted in the Confederate Army at the age of 19 and formed the Second Kentucky Cavalry company under John Hunt Morgan. He later said “sorry about all that” and later helped build some parks in Louisville, but not to the extent people think.
He also fought in the Spanish-American War and participated in the invasion of Puerto Rico where he served as military governor of the island for a time. He wasn’t as sorry about that one.
Ball said the Louisville antifa cell was inspired by the recent action in Bristol when the statue of Edward Colston, a prominent slave trader, was brought down and dumped into the nearby harbor.
The plan, according to Ball, was to put out a call to the Antifa Store, located somewhere in South Dakota, and bus in millions of antifa soldiers to help tear down the statue in the middle of the night.
Once successfully brought down, a helicopter would transport the statue to the Ohio River where it would be ceremoniously dunked. Millions of fireworks would then light up the night sky in celebration.
“It was going to be a really fun time,” Ball said. “We were counting on Mayor Fischer to keep dragging his feet on the statue like he has been everything else recently but I guess he proved us wrong.”
The statue will be moved to Cave Hill Cemetery where Castleman is buried.
At the time of press, ideas being thrown around for a replacement statue included: Greg Fischer cowering under a desk, police tear gassing a group of protesters and a RG ZGMF-X56S/Α FORCE IMPULSE GUNDAM.